I had a dream...
One where an emotion pierced through even the most minute of its fragments. Powerful, sharp... Unexpected. I had taken a leap and I saw what was inside my heart and in my soul. Things that I knew deep down, things that I didn't want to see, things that I wanted to see...
It was a first. That the dream was unlike a dream. I couldn't predict its flow at all. It happened as if it were really in front of me.
I have come to the conclusion that my mind, my heart is but a cryptic one. It has a rotten sense of humour and an even worse sense of fun. Diving back into my memories, into my teenage insecurities, my current conflicts and even my childhood fears is not something I like to face. No doubt, these are the things in my youth that shaped me into this cynical, sarcastic object that most know of today. But... They are really are... Painful to look at. To even remember...
At the end of this dream, in the midst of my solitude, surrounded by people I knew but didn't know me, by people who had stabbed me in the back repeatedly, by people who had told me that I would amount to nothing, a shaft of light pierced through the darkness. In doing so, he brought brilliant colour and meaning into my world. I was laughing. He was smiling. My past acquaintances stood there unmoving as we walked away, never looking back and leaving everything, all my past baggage behind.
That's how I feel about him. He is my rock in my most emotionally fragile states. He has made going through all that... Worthwhile. If I had to go through all that alienation, all that ridicule and all those moments of insecurities... Just for a chance to meet him again... I would. God, I would. Being around him gives me strength, and a determination that I never knew existed. I know that I can be myself around him, I know that I can talk to him about anything and he makes me feel alright. I can always count on him to be there for me even if he doesn't necessarily agree with me.
I never knew I could feel this way about someone. I never knew...
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