Personal? Or...?

I guess if I were still in the habit of writing in my diaries like I used to in the old days, it would probably start off sounding something like this...

'Dear Diary, today something all too familiar happened to me again. Like seriously, what the hell is WRONG with me? I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be taking things personally and that I shouldn't be dwelling on things like this but NATURALLY... Even my own advice goes in one ear and out the other. It's utter crap.'

If you look around you, you'll notice that everyone wears a mask. Even those who are most truthful to their personalities. I see clowns, devils, poker, angels (who are usually devils), party-goers, bitches, bookworms, the usual... Sometimes their masks slip and you finally see what's beneath but sometimes you never really know. Me? I think it's just annoying. And yet... I wear one too.

I don't get it. Why are people so afraid to be themselves? Doesn't it hurt to keep living in some sot of pretext?

I guess it does. It definitely hurts... So in a way, I suppose I understand. But I guess that's the natural trade off when we choose to live they way we live. Humans really are the strangest creatures... I think we're the only species around that not only plays an active hand in our own torments but revels in the aftermath of our own self-suffering. It definitely goes beyond the natural flow of most things, namely our primitive survival instincts.

Humans sure are strange... I guess that makes me even stranger? I suppose if that's the case then that only makes sense...

Why I decided that it's better to isolate myself from people... Why I decided that in the end, the only person I can trust and depend on is myself... Why I always told myself that should anything happen... It's only my fault and no others are or should be involved. I guess it's a pretty heavy burden, but it's something that I've grown accustomed to over the years. Or so I thought...

It's always the occurences of things like this that bring about the inner vulnerability that I have over the years convinced myself have been suppressed... Evidently albeit unsuccessfully.