So I realise that I'm drowning even worse than I initially thought in my work. LOL. Jansen seems to be having a little trouble with his FYP too from what I understand. Him, I'm not worried about though. I know that he will be able to cope somehow and show me up again as usual. That idiot. LOL. He always has, being the hardworking genius that he is... Lethal combination by the way, being born as BOTH a natural genius and hardworking at that.
Darn... If only I was as blessed. LOL.
Lots to do this coming week 7 of term, 2 midterms and 1 huge-chunk-of-percentage assignment due (RE4906: 30%). Top that with the project meetings, site visits and YES WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Sigh... Lin Yan doesn't understand how I can cope (But the fact of the matter is, am I really?!) and jokes to my other course mates that I live in a 48 hour a day world / alternate planet. Which I find really funny because I think it's just a matter of time management and knowing what your priorities should be at certain times.
My nights are filled with all my NUS research and report writing. Damn... I really can't wait for week 7 to be over... Then I can take a deep breath, relax but if only for a moment and dive into part 2 of work.
In the meantime,to destress, I painted my nails. LOL.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
First Class At JDMIS
So yesterday marked the beginning of my academic semester at JDMIS... With a full day class (2 sessions in one day, each session 3 hours each) I of course had a decent one hour break for lunch in between. During which, Jansen and I found this lovely little place for Thai food. Definitely the best place for Thai food you can ever find in Singapore.
The place is called 'Thai Cafe'. Not much originality in the naming bit but at the very least, the food is definitely solid standard!
Black pepper beef. WAY WAY WAY spicier than it looks! I actually burnt the back of my throat. I really underestimated the pepper plus chili combination. I honestly didn't think that the chili in this dish would be that lethal.
Minced pork omelette. By far the FLUFFIEST, most savoury omelette that you'll ever have the pleasure of eating.
A fabulous photo of Jansen. It's definitely one of those very few shots whereby everything is working perfectly. Perfect lighting, perfect pose and perfect facial expression!! I think I captured his essence in this shot... But that's subject to criticism. LOL.
Alright, enough digression about the absolute love of my life, back to the food...
Tom yum soup with prawns. The uber spiciness even made Jansen gasp. (And he's definitely more experienced in spicy food than me, seeing that I'm allergic to chili)
Jansen's main dish: Belachan (Better known as shrimp paste) fried rice. We didn't expect all the side dishes to come along with it. And to think that it only cost $6! Definitely a pleasant surprise!
The complete spread! As you can see, I decided to opt for white rice. Drinks are lemon grass and Thai milk tea. Total price? $30. Good food + Cheap = Definitely worth it!
After which it was back to class... Jansen was a total sweetheart and spent the time I was in class (during both my sessions) studying in the National Library. (We met up early in the morning for breakfast before my classes started see.)
The difference between him and one of my ex is like the difference between night and day man... And what a difference it makes! While one whines and complains like a spoilt little girl, the other does without hesitation. Jansen really is the sweetest guy I've ever met. I guess I'm really really lucky ain't I?
As for classes, they really really were very interesting. I definitely enjoyed myself throroughly, so much so that the classes definitely don't feel like classes. I'm really looking forward to classes today too! Yesterday was Gemology, today is History of Jewellery. History has never been my strong point but I do think that it would be interesting at the very least. LOL. I'm signing up for a 3rd class today too! Jewellery Merchandising!
Still, doesn't change the fact that I am definitely worried. Woke up in the dead of night panting and gasping from the remnants of a nightmare. Couldn't go back to sleep afterwards. I guess I really am worried as to whether or not I can cope with both JDMIS and NUS classes at the same time. So you know, in a way, I'm really glad that I enjoy JDMIS classes so much and see them almost as a form of leisure because they are so enjoyable... So at least I won't get as stressed out.
Doesn't change the fact that I'm worried though... It's all the what ifs. LOL. Doesn't mean I have any intention of stopping though. Unless I see this through to the very end, I don't think I would be able to find peace within myself. There are after all... More than a few things that I have to make up for. LOL.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Chinese New Year = Minimum 2 kgs Weight Gain
Observe the above feast (And this was on 3rd day) and consider the following factors:
1. There are 15 days in the Chinese New Year celebrations
2. Which means 15 days of non stop feasting
3. And since the Chinese for some reason, seem to only indulge in LUXURY foods (crabs, duck, chicken, abalone and so on)
4. AND since nobody really exercises during celebratory periods
Safe to say that CNY is NOT a good time for people who are aspiring to diet.
And let's not forget the EXTREMELY high calorie snacks and goodies during this festive time...
The darling grandmother of mine and my uncle. Coincidentally this is the grandmother who promised me on one of my birthdays that she would not die until I get married and have my first child.
Nearest dishes in the foreground are fish maw soup and steamed pure crab roe. Typical luxury items that you can only hope to indulge in only during CNY.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Most Beautiful Bouquet In The World
Since CNY this year coincides with Valentine's Day, Jansen gave me a bouquet and a kapibara~! (I gave him a TINY kapibara back for occasion's sake since the cruise was my Valentine's Day present to him) This is us at my uncle's place before we went off to HIS uncle's place for dinner. (Double dinner... PHEW...)
A cheeky shot of my latest kapibara and the bouquet.
Really the most gorgeous, most sincere bouquet I've ever recieved! Each rose is painstakingly folded using some top secret Japanese Origami style and made even more authentic with Japanese Origami paper. Jansen made the entire bouquet (even the bundling) by hand and topped it off by dousing the bouquet with a whiff of his cologne. MmmMmmmmmm~~!
Seriously, the cupcake on top of the kapibara is ADORABLE! This makes my 6th kapibara to my collection. Hee hee~!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Project Pile Ups
Since the Recess week / Chinese New Year holidays are coming soon, (I totally want to kill the NUS admin for deciding that recess week and Chinese New Year should be during the same period WHICH MEANS we have NO EXTRA rest days in mid semester. Sigh... Gets worse because apart from Good Friday there's like no other public holidays?) and since many of my foreign friends are returning home to their families, this week has been nothing but project meetings after project meetings... Sigh... Not to mention that super high weightage (30% of grade solo assignment due in like 2 weeks??) report which I have almost absolutely no clue as to how to work out the kinks? (It's high weightage after all, so naturally I want to write in a really solid paper but I don't know how to link the points!! Whatever the case, I definitely have to get THAT done at least by the end of the week so I can actually start styping out my 10 plus pages (Funny how usually we have to cut down and in this case I'm thinking of how to beef things up?). Not to mention, I'm not sure if some of the points I have and maybe hope to explore are relevant... Ah well... It'll work out somehow. LOL.
I'm also as usual WAY behind schedule for readings and man oh man... I know only all too well the consequences of not being at least on schedule. Last semester's study break before the exams? Don't even ask man... I was up to my nose in readings up until the very last minute. (And no, I didn't finish in the end of course. There's only so much one can do last minute after all... Good lesson for me... Don't know why I'm still procrastinating the hell out of these things. LOL.) On the bright side... I suppose it's a good thing that this time at least I started from day 1 (Not like that's any help considering my current snail's pace.)
In spite of all the hectic comings and goings though? I guess I'm still having fun. Lin Yan, Huang Juan and gang as usual are a BLAST to work with, reuniting with some old pals (the good, the bad and the ugly in that order... Politics, politics, politics... Why doesn't it ever stop?) this semester, top that with all the incredibly juicy gossip about the 'blacklisted two-some' and man... It's just crazy. LOL.
Still, with graduation on its heels and all the talks about everyone's possible future career and or graduate study options, I keep telling myself that all these projects are just 'a form of preparation' for all the report writing I'm pretty sure I have to do since I will be starting off as a lowly officer or for the even more intense thesises I have to write if I choose to continue down the academic's path. I'm honest to god scared of walking through that door to that 'next phase of adulthood'. Some form of consolation eh? Well... I gotta walk through it some day and the clock is ticking to when it would be either after next semester if I don't get the JTW exchange or a year later if I do get the exchange (Which I doubt actually).
It's scary but I guess in a weird way, it's kind of exciting too? Til then, I'll be buried in a mountain until all the due dates go by.
I'm also as usual WAY behind schedule for readings and man oh man... I know only all too well the consequences of not being at least on schedule. Last semester's study break before the exams? Don't even ask man... I was up to my nose in readings up until the very last minute. (And no, I didn't finish in the end of course. There's only so much one can do last minute after all... Good lesson for me... Don't know why I'm still procrastinating the hell out of these things. LOL.) On the bright side... I suppose it's a good thing that this time at least I started from day 1 (Not like that's any help considering my current snail's pace.)
In spite of all the hectic comings and goings though? I guess I'm still having fun. Lin Yan, Huang Juan and gang as usual are a BLAST to work with, reuniting with some old pals (the good, the bad and the ugly in that order... Politics, politics, politics... Why doesn't it ever stop?) this semester, top that with all the incredibly juicy gossip about the 'blacklisted two-some' and man... It's just crazy. LOL.
Still, with graduation on its heels and all the talks about everyone's possible future career and or graduate study options, I keep telling myself that all these projects are just 'a form of preparation' for all the report writing I'm pretty sure I have to do since I will be starting off as a lowly officer or for the even more intense thesises I have to write if I choose to continue down the academic's path. I'm honest to god scared of walking through that door to that 'next phase of adulthood'. Some form of consolation eh? Well... I gotta walk through it some day and the clock is ticking to when it would be either after next semester if I don't get the JTW exchange or a year later if I do get the exchange (Which I doubt actually).
It's scary but I guess in a weird way, it's kind of exciting too? Til then, I'll be buried in a mountain until all the due dates go by.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Love & Acceptance (A Particularly Emotional Entry For Me)
The romantic that I am loves this concept. The idea that one day there will be someone out there in your life that you will meet and who will love you then, now and forever more. Whether or not you actually end up together with that person in the end or not... And even when you're apart, that person will keep on loving you for years and years to come. For an entire lifetime...
Alright, so I guess I'm a little kooky and to be critical, this concept is a pretty selfish one. Nonetheless, the idea that someone out there will always love you no matter what the circumstances... Is admittedly... A really good feeling. Who doesn't want to feel wanted or should I say NEEDED and loved?
How many of us struggle with being accepted? With gaining approval? With fitting in? I know I have... In fact I still do. Most of my peers would know by now that I see myself as a loner and I loathe the fact that I still have to depend on my parents to get me through (financially) each day. I hate it. I'm unhappy that there is an obvious division between me and my siblings. I hate that I feel that I have to work twice as hard, to do twice as well and to screw up 3 times less in order to gain some amount of acceptance from my mother. I hate that she is oblivious to her blatant display of favouritsm. (Like HELLO?? Even Kimmy can see it?) As a result, I've never felt good enough, it's like nothing I do will ever match up or CAN ever match up to my siblings in terms of recognition and respect.
Yet in spite of all that, I desperately seek the approval of my Dad (my favourite - although somewhat MUCH scarier - parent). It's as if I'm trying to redeem myself in the eyes of at least one parent, like it's my way of saying 'I'm sorry' to all the screw ups I've ever made. Even then... I still feel so small. He never smiles, never seems to acknowledge what I have to say (save for when the credit card bill or when money matters come into focus) but I guess the good thing about him is that unlike my mother, at least he is listening... Even if he looks like he isn't. What I would give to make him proud... What I would give just to be accepted as someone worthy...
I work so much harder, I spend so much more time studying, I score so much better academically and yet I still feel as if I pale in comparison. The only one there to cheer me on... Other than Jansen, is that invisible force called hope.
How many times have I cried on my own? All alone in the solitude of my room? How many times have I stopped believing every time a tinge of hope seems to come my way? How many times have I felt completely alone in the middle of a crowd (my family save for Cora - my surrogate 'Mom')?
That's why I laugh whenever my peers comment that I'm strong and independent. If they knew the internal struggles that I had to go through with every single day of my life, I think perhaps they would understand why I prefer to put on that facade. I can't bear to show my vulnerability because it hurts just to remember where it all stems from...
I believe everyone has felt this struggle at some point in their lives. The truth is, no one wants to be outcasted, no one wants to feel like they are unwanted or don't belong. Everyone needs to feel that assurance that they are an integral part of society or at least an integral part of someone else's life. I am the way that I am simply because I'm still fighting for acceptance, from my parents, my family and more importantly myself.
After all these years, after all that has happened in my private and personal life, I don't think it's possible for me to even like myself.
Alright, so I guess I'm a little kooky and to be critical, this concept is a pretty selfish one. Nonetheless, the idea that someone out there will always love you no matter what the circumstances... Is admittedly... A really good feeling. Who doesn't want to feel wanted or should I say NEEDED and loved?
How many of us struggle with being accepted? With gaining approval? With fitting in? I know I have... In fact I still do. Most of my peers would know by now that I see myself as a loner and I loathe the fact that I still have to depend on my parents to get me through (financially) each day. I hate it. I'm unhappy that there is an obvious division between me and my siblings. I hate that I feel that I have to work twice as hard, to do twice as well and to screw up 3 times less in order to gain some amount of acceptance from my mother. I hate that she is oblivious to her blatant display of favouritsm. (Like HELLO?? Even Kimmy can see it?) As a result, I've never felt good enough, it's like nothing I do will ever match up or CAN ever match up to my siblings in terms of recognition and respect.
Yet in spite of all that, I desperately seek the approval of my Dad (my favourite - although somewhat MUCH scarier - parent). It's as if I'm trying to redeem myself in the eyes of at least one parent, like it's my way of saying 'I'm sorry' to all the screw ups I've ever made. Even then... I still feel so small. He never smiles, never seems to acknowledge what I have to say (save for when the credit card bill or when money matters come into focus) but I guess the good thing about him is that unlike my mother, at least he is listening... Even if he looks like he isn't. What I would give to make him proud... What I would give just to be accepted as someone worthy...
I work so much harder, I spend so much more time studying, I score so much better academically and yet I still feel as if I pale in comparison. The only one there to cheer me on... Other than Jansen, is that invisible force called hope.
How many times have I cried on my own? All alone in the solitude of my room? How many times have I stopped believing every time a tinge of hope seems to come my way? How many times have I felt completely alone in the middle of a crowd (my family save for Cora - my surrogate 'Mom')?
That's why I laugh whenever my peers comment that I'm strong and independent. If they knew the internal struggles that I had to go through with every single day of my life, I think perhaps they would understand why I prefer to put on that facade. I can't bear to show my vulnerability because it hurts just to remember where it all stems from...
I believe everyone has felt this struggle at some point in their lives. The truth is, no one wants to be outcasted, no one wants to feel like they are unwanted or don't belong. Everyone needs to feel that assurance that they are an integral part of society or at least an integral part of someone else's life. I am the way that I am simply because I'm still fighting for acceptance, from my parents, my family and more importantly myself.
After all these years, after all that has happened in my private and personal life, I don't think it's possible for me to even like myself.
Friday, February 5, 2010
JDMIS: Jewellery Design and Management International School
So... Guess what? I got accepted into JDMIS for a double diploma course.
1. Specialist Diploma in Jewellery Design & Fabrication
2. Diploma in Jewellery Design & Marketing
I start my first two classes come 20th February and 21st February (Saturday and Sunday) and will finish both these courses in a month or so. Quite excited~! Personal goal: Finish BOTH diplomas before I graduate from NUS. LOL. Ok... So sue me, I'm ambitious. LOL.
Oh, and for the FIRST TIME (I was actually quite shocked at that woman's response) my mother has decided to support me through this. *JAWDROP* Well... The good news I guess is that because payment is done on a course by course basis and half of my courses in BOTH diplomas share the same modules, I'll finish both much faster and at less cost.
Hence, I was thinking... If things go well (once I've gotten both diplomas), I may intend to 'level up' to getting an advanced diploma.
1. Advanced Diploma in Jewellery Design & Management
2. Advanced Diploma in Jewellery Design & Entrepreneurship
Mainly because half of the Advanced Diploma in Jewellery Design & Entrepreneurship would have been completely covered from the Specialist Diploma in Design and Fabrication (The more advanced modules from this course). Advanced Diploma in Jewellery Design & Management would have 1 from the regular diploma and 2 from Advanced Diploma in Jewellery Design & Entrepreneurship.
Maybe... This is their marketing strategy? LOL.
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